New relationships often bring excitement and a sense of possibility. At first, everything may feel perfect, and it’s hard to imagine anything going wrong. However, as time goes on, it’s natural to notice your partner’s flaws—some minor and harmless, like preferring chocolate ice cream over your favorite vanilla, and others that may signal potential issues down the road. Recognizing unhealthy behaviors early on can help you make informed decisions about your relationship:

  1. Controlling: If your partner tries to control aspects of your life—such as what you wear, who you spend time with (including family and friends), or how you live—this is a warning sign. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and autonomy.
  2. Hostile: If you find yourself walking on eggshells or modifying your behavior to avoid “setting them off,” it’s important to acknowledge this as a concerning pattern.
  3. Dishonest: Lying breeds distrust and hurt between partners; if they make a habit of lying to you or keeping things from you, be wary that this behavior likely won’t change.
  4. Disrespectful to you or others: Disrespect can take many forms, such as interrupting you, mocking your ideas or dreams, disregarding your boundaries, or failing to listen to you. Even small acts of disrespect can erode the foundation of a healthy partnership over time.
  5. Overly Dependent: Dependence can take many forms, from being dependent on you for your time, money or attention. While being in a relationship implies a union, you should also both feel comfortable being individual units. If you feel like you have to keep everything perfect for them for fear they may fall apart, this can be a sign of dependency.
  6. Intimidating: If you are fearful of opposing your partner because of what they may say or do based on a past reaction, this is intimidation. They may use many tactics to intimidate you from threatening to break up or using physical force.

What to Do If You Notice These Behaviors
Seeing these traits in a partner doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship has to end immediately. Many issues can be addressed through open communication and mutual effort. However, if you express your concerns and your partner refuses to acknowledge or work on the problem—or if the behavior continues—it may be time to evaluate whether the relationship is healthy for both of you in the long run.

Most importantly, if they are physically or sexually violent towards you, find a safe way to get out of the relationship. Do not stay in a relationship if they are hurting you or forcing you to do something you are uncomfortable with. Everyone deserves to be in a healthy, supportive relationship.

If you need help getting out of a bad relationship, use these resources for free assistance, available 24/7, 365 days a year:

RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline

  • 1−800−799−SAFE (7233)
  • Deaf/hard of hearing: 1-855-812-1011 (VP)  or 1−800−787−322 (TTY)
  • You can also visit their website at https://www.thehotline.org/

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Explore 3rd Millennium Classrooms to discover our Title IX-compliant courses designed for college students or the Respect & Resolve course, focused on building healthy interpersonal relationships for high school students.